I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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