I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
