I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
