he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
