Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize