people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Welp...herpes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
