it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
