First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
