If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I just put wine in my tea
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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