My nipple is on Facebook.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
