Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There are leaves in my underwear?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
