i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
