How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
