your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
