i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
