i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
