Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
