I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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