i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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