Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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