I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
