I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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