I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize