Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
