o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
