can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
