it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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