I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
