I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
