I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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