look no pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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