whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
