i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
