Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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