oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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