as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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