Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
