so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
