I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
