I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
