Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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