She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
operation have a gay friend backfired
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
