the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
