Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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