i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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