I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
