new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
