we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Shame is for Republicans.
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