I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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