so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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