I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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