True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
