that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
