By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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