i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
