the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize