We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
