Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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