youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
