You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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