problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
