is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She has the best kind of daddy issues
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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