My hand turned me down
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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