how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
