it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
