when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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